Diary October 2005

Diary
Stefania Magidson

November 2005

Over time, I have written a great deal in the first person singular. For ten years, letters to my best friend Iulia and for many more years than that, self-confessional private notes jotted down in an attempt to hear my own thoughts more clearly – often with a desire to move forward my inner process (and to save money on psychoanalysis.) There always seems to be a distance between my inner self and what emerges on the pages. My writing, even though it is first person and confessional, still doesn’t capture my being. Add to that a readership, and then I’m really put on the spot!

So much gets transformed in the simple process of seizing a thought, a trace of consciousness that we translate into language. I used to feel uneasy with parts of what has been written about me. Now I can’t blame the writers anymore and feel a sense of heightened responsibility about the process of transferring truth on to paper; it’s challenging because there is always the danger of the truth being diluted, mutated and misinterpreted. (My friend Guita, a Berkley graduate with degrees in law and philosophy just stopped by and after reading this first paragraph, exclaimed “Stefania, you’re tickling the realms of the post-modern and post-structuralism era!” – OK, whatever that may be!)
Anyway, here I am sitting at my desk in the hills above the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood, California. On the board behind my computer are pictures of my husband, our sons and friends’ children. There are drawings by the children I sponsor through Save the Children in Bangladesh and Bolivia, a picture of an enigmatic orphaned girl from one of Romania’s placement centres and a poem written for me by my mother that ends “you’re gently weaving dreams that become reality.” I’m moved by the words “We Can Do It!” printed on a vintage card given to me by my son. It portrays a strong woman flexing her biceps. And finally, there’s a picture of me speaking at a Los Angeles fundraiser where we raised money for abandoned and impoverished children in Romania.
So much of my life seems to be about children, their welfare, the many facets of their complex lives and finding ways to elevate them. I feel like their world is still so close to mine. I’m 5’2”, I do cartwheels with them and love to play hide-and-seek. I volunteer in our sons’ classrooms every week and often feel overwhelmed by the harsh world of “grown-ups.” The real world can be an intimidating place at times and I feel I have to summon the stronger parts of myself and push through my fears to weave my dreams into reality.

I was born in Brasov, Romania in 1968 and emigrated to the United States with my family in 1983. Twelve years ago I met my husband and my life changed drastically on both a social and material level. Even more profound than the external changes were the internal leaps I had to take in order to adapt to my new environment. When I married, I joined a family whose philanthropic activities spanned decades. I was exposed to a myriad worthy causes and the undeniable importance of giving back to one’s community and society in general. Living an abundant life in Los Angeles is far removed from the impoverished lives of people in other countries. It would perhaps be a lot easier to forget that I was ever poor, that I’ve gone through hardships, or God forbid, that I was born in Romania.

It is out of this strong sense of not forgetting where I come from and my love for children that three years ago I started Blue Heron Foundation, a non-profit charitable organisation. Our mission is to improve the quality of the lives of abandoned and impoverished Romanian children and provide them with greater access to life’s opportunities. As tired as some people may be of the topic and though conditions have continuously improved, there are still 83,000 children under the care of Protective Services in Romania. Annually, 4,600 children are abandoned in hospitals at birth and 3,500 children require treatment for Aids, according to the last year’s UNICEF report.

I continue to be inspired and am so proud that in three short years, with the help of many generous donors and talented volunteers, Blue Heron has made a difference in the lives of many disadvantaged children. This year alone we’ve raised almost $80,000 and are giving away 27 college scholarships. We feel that we are helping change people’s destinies. I think we all feel a little closer to God when our efforts come together and we see the fruit of our work.
In the spring of 2002, I negotiated the author’s rights for Eric Bogosian’s
“Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll”, a cutting edge 11-monologue play that was to be played at Green Hours in Bucharest. I was getting ready to travel to the Romanian capital and see it, when I felt that perhaps I could do more than that. I thought I would go to orphanages in Brasov, and see if I could help in any way. In getting ready for the trip, I went to get a manicure at Jessica’s Nails in West Hollywood, a wonderful salon for pampering. The owner, Romanian-Armenian Jessica Vartughian hires manicurists and pedicurists of a similar background who deliver first class nail care and most importantly for me, a way of feeling again like I am in my mother’s lap with caring people doting over me, addressing me in Romanian. That day, Carmen was doing my manicure. I told her that I intended to visit orphanages to see if I could help in any way. She started to weep and refused to charge me the usual fee, insisting that the money be the first contribution toward whatever project I may undertake to help these children.

So off I go to Romania. I see the play, which later that year earned the lead performer the UNITER award for best actor in a play (equivalent of the Tony award in the US), then headed off for Brasov. I went without a plan and got somewhat frustrated even trying to find the name of the institution in the phone book. I was surprised to learn that the terms “orphanages” and leaganul de copii were no longer used. I finally found the proper name Centru de Plasament, only to have a hard time getting in touch with the right people. I was just about to give up and leave it for another trip, when I was struck with a feeling of profound guilt and shame at the thought of going back to Carmen and saying, “Here is the money you gave me; I couldn’t help.” After a few more phone calls, I was able to meet with the head of the orphanages and visit the Micul Print centre where many beautiful toddlers under the age of three ran to me calling me “Mama” and jumped in my lap. I was asked by the officials there if I had a “foundation.” I panicked inside because I wasn’t exactly sure at that point in time what a foundation was. I answered “not yet.”

Little did I know how much I would learn about non-profits in the next few years, and how exciting and maturing the whole process of raising and spending money accountably would be. We started out by raising funds the usual way: selling tickets to hundreds of guests invited to a sit-down meal, a silent and live auction and a fashion show. The events put us on the map, garnering awareness and positive media attention. But over time we found ourselves frustrated by how time consuming organising these events can be. We also felt that too much of the money raised was spent on expenses. We decided to do things a little differently in order to compete with the other 50,000 (California only!) non-profit organisations. The majority of our contributions come from Blue Heron members who donate at least $500 annually. Our goal is to have 200 permanent members. We now have movie screening events; events at clothing stores where a percentage of sales from an entire day goes to our cause; girls scouts raised enough money in one afternoon selling cookies to pay for 500 hours of Romanian caregivers’ time. Our next door neighbor’s daughter started the Abandoned Romanian Children’s Club at her private high school to do her share of giving back to the world. Beauty guru Anastasia Soare shapes the brows of many accomplished ladies in Hollywood, but instead of charging them she often drops our donation form in their lap. We try to keep our finger on the pulse of what is happening in the world of charities, especially in L.A., and keep our fundraisers fun and creative. It helps that the founders of Blue Heron cover one hundred per cent of the expenses and that the dollar still goes a long way in Romania.

This past summer when I went back to Romania I was asked in an interview “Why do you raise awareness about this cause? Aren’t you in fact drawing negative attention toward Romania?” I swear I always got the most challenging questions from Romanians themselves! I feel that even in a country like the United States we are constantly helping those in disadvantaged and underprivileged situations and the philosophy of helping and of giving back is deeply rooted. UNICEF and World Learning have a four-year exit strategy after which Romania will be on its own in providing care for those whom these organisations supported. Although our way of helping is minuscule in the big scheme of things, I’ve always hoped it went further than just helping the children directly; I wanted it to also be an inspiration for others, in particular Romanians, to give back.

After years of lamenting “What’s my life’s work?” by reclaiming and integrating my roots Blue Heron was born and continues to grow. Carmen, my friend at Jessica’s Nails, never got her money back, but hundreds of abandoned toddlers have been held by our Loving Arms program; we built a state of the art playground in Rupea and gave 27 college scholarships to qualified abandoned children. Many incredible projects are still waiting to be realised. With all the challenges and ups and downs of running a non-profit, I still believe that the personal benefits are very immediate. By elevating others, we elevate ourselves.

I can affirm that this whole business of “saving the world” – even on a microscopic level – seems somehow selfish because it feels so good. I look back at the card given to me by my son, “We Can Do It !” Yes. We can.

Stefania Magidson is the founder and president of the Blue Heron Foundation.